Working Through Stress

Unlike other times when I have sat down to write, I am struggling to know what to say this week. Not because I don’t have anything to say, but because there is almost too much to say. Overwhelm is not new to me, unfortunately, it has been a routine part of my career. This week has just held so much within it. The Holy Days just began and there is a tremendous amount of reflection that enters during these times each year. Yesterday was the 25th anniversary of 9/11. This week saw an intensity in politicization. And we had reports from folks within AI companies warning that there was a not insignificant possibility of an extinction-level event. 

There is just too much to say and I don’t know where exactly to start or where to go. So rather than trying to talk about each of these things insufficiently, or only choosing one, it feels right to talk about what overwhelming stress does to the brain and its ramifications on society.

Our brains develop from the bottom up and the inside out. The most foundational level of the brain facilitates basic processes that sustain life. Heart rate, breathing, temperature regulation, and other things we don’t have to think about are controlled by the brain stem and midbrain. Think reflexes. On top of that rests the limbic system, which is our emotional center. Think relational. And on top of that rests the cortex, which is where complex and abstract thinking, planning, and decision making take place. Think thinking. 

Now, this is obviously an oversimplified way to organize such a complex and beautiful organ as the brain. There are more than just three sections, this doesn’t get into hemispheres, and only discusses neuroarchitecture and not neurochemicals or other influences on the organ. But for the purposes of this piece, this simplified version will suffice. If any neuroscientists are reading this piece, I ask for your forgiveness in advance. 

The brain consumes a tremendous amount of energy to function in its optimal state. The capacity of our brains have made humans a remarkably powerful species. However, under states of stress, evolutionary biology compels us to maximize energy in our bodies, which means the brain must use less. When we think about the world our ancestors lived in, this makes total sense. If you are being chased by a bear, you need to escape that threat more than you need to think about long-term and complex tasks. That part of your brain is not needed. So your cortex goes offline and you go to a deeper brain state that supports the fight, flight, freeze, fawn, faint response. The problem is, in the modern world, as Nadine Burke-Harris puts it in her TED Talk, the bear often comes home with us. The stress response that saved our ancestors in life or death situations, that can still save us in life or death situations, becomes a weakness in the modern world because overwhelming stress is not reserved for life or death situations. The constant flood of news that is disproportionately fear inducing, the scarcity that is forced upon far too many under conditions of poverty, the threats of violence for far too many in their neighborhoods and on all of us in the wars being fought all over our world, the constant drip of communication whether that is directly through emails/texts or indirectly through social media, the isolation that far too many people live in without genuine connection to others. Our brains and bodies do not decipher well the stress that is immediately threatening versus that which is highly stressful but is not an immediate life or death situation. Greater stress activates deeper brain states, which is why it is harder to engage in complex thinking under conditions of stress.

Long-term thought is less important under stress than ensuring survival. Different people react to stress differently, and over time, people have different reactions themselves. It is normal, for instance, for someone who exhibits a regular fight response to conditions of stress (let’s call this hypervigilance), especially when those conditions are chronic, to eventually have that response become dulled through overactivation, and exhibit more of a flight response over time (let’s call this dissociation). When stress becomes inescapable, we often flee, and when that stress follows us no matter where we go, we often can find escape internally rather than externally.

This information can be powerful. In my work in trauma-informed policy and practice, I have seen this knowledge transform the way systems (and people within those systems) operate with greater compassion to promote wellbeing and improve outcomes. I have also seen this knowledge weaponized in our politics to force masses of people into hypervigilance and dissociation while leaders leverage the lack of connection and strategy to cause chaos. This drives isolation, maladaptive coping techniques, and can quickly become a vicious cycle. When we as a society are unable to access our collective cortex, we lose the ability to strategically work together toward what is best for all of us. This is true individually as well.

Neurons that fire together wire together. When we are chronically over-activated, it becomes normal to remain in deeper brain states. We are wired for survival, so when we believe we must be prepared for survival routinely, we conserve our energy to escape threat above all else. When a collective body finds itself in this state, we are less able to connect with others, less able to engage in a strategic direction that benefits us, and it creates the perfect conditions for us to look toward leaders to tell us what to do, out of hopes that they will be able to save us. 

Fortunately, we are not trapped by our biology here. We can engage in routines and practices, not everyone’s will be the same though there will be similarities, that can help us engage our more evolved brain states even under stressful conditions. Finding our breath and being able to slow things down is key when the world seems to be speeding up. For some, it might be calm activities like meditation and yoga, reading and writing, or art and cooking. For some, it might be higher intensity activities like going for a run, lifting weights, or playing sports. For many, it will be a combination of calm and intense activity that brings balance. In moments where things may be speeding up, we can also practice regulation exercises like deep breathing, engaging the five senses, or humming. There are a variety of ways to promote self regulation. 

But as a species, because we are intensely social, we must not underestimate the importance of co-regulation and collective care. One of my fears in the self care movement is that we forget that healing happens in the context of healthy relationships over time. As mentioned earlier, isolation is intensely stressful for us, so only looking to ourselves to promote regulation is not always the best. I recognize that many people have learned in their lives that relationships are not safe and they are intensely independent. People can self regulate and survive this world as isolated beings and I do not mean to diminish the reasons some people do this, but I also look at wellbeing trends in our society and recognize that there are adjustments we must make. I believe that if we promote healthier communities and collaboration amongst individuals, we would see better outcomes, and that as we do we would see collective stress levels reduce.

When we recognize someone is dysregulated, often we try to reason why their behavior or perception is wrong. The problem is that we are not talking to the people who are in the reasoning part of their brain. Rather than starting with reason, first we must regulate, just getting to a base sense of calm, and then we must relate, so that people feel seen and valued, and then we can reason with them after we have gone through these steps. It aligns with the brain states spelled out earlier, called the 3 Rs (regulate-relate-reason), and is amazingly helpful in self understanding and working with others. I learned this information from Diane Wagenhals and Lakeside Global Institute, who adapted much of this information from Dr. Bruce Perry. 

It is tricky, and I do not write this meaning to make this sound easy, because I entered this piece feeling overwhelmed despite knowing this. I suppose that I write this to try and reason through all that is going on right now, and perhaps reach out for connection among others. I know that I am not alone feeling this way. That is generally what I remind myself, that while at times I might feel alone and uncertain, I am never the only one feeling that way. So I try reaching out, sometimes someone answers, sometimes not, but that is all we can do. If you feel lonely, uncertain, or otherwise stressed at the world right now, you are not alone right now. I hope to build a world more connected that nurtures our deep needs and promotes wellbeing. I believe that we will accomplish this, and know that to do so means we will need to come together.